Update of Sorts

Well, she successfully made it to OKC. Her dog caused all kinds of problems on his way, though. That's a long story I'll let J sort out at some point. But evidently, as per B, she's still complaining about her dog arriving. B reminds her, the dog was ill, so J brought him to her, but she forgets that part over and over, and just complains about him being there over and over.

So I'm wondering how she's going to do with her furniture arriving. Which is happening as I type this. I sure hope M2 is right in thinking she won't notice. That would be great!!

Act I, Scene I

Grandma's in Oklahoma.
Her stuff is on a truck, on its way.
Shaggy is in Oklahoma.
Grandma is happy to see B and S.
Grandma likes her room and her bed.

[Cast passes out from exhaustion.]

.....and SCENE.

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And we're home.

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Arrived

We are in OKC and Grandma is pleased as punch to see S. Excited to be in her birthplace. Asked multiple times if B has dogs, asked multiple times how long it's been since i've been here. But all in all, today is good so far.
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Grandma on board

We're on the plane, about to take off. This morning couldn't have gone better. She's happy, and we're on our way. Today's blessings are overwhelming.
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Q&A

"When do I get to go home?"

"Next Tuesday." (Always answer this.)

"What day is it?"

"Wednesday."

Q&A

"Why is all my stuff here?"

"Because you're going to stay here for a little while. Your house burned down and this was all we could salvage. Shaggy's the only one who survived."

Safe!

"Mom, I am winning an award for nursing, so everyone's coming over to celebrate tonight."
"You are? That's wonderful! Oh I'm excited!"
[conversation...]
"So will you pack your suitcase for tomorrow?"
"Sure! I'd be glad to!"
[conversation...]
"I need to put names on the dogs' bowls so whoever takes care of them will know what to do."
"Well, she'll be over tonight, you can show her."
"Oh! Ok! Good idea. She's your daughter?"
"She's M's daughter."
"She is?"

I feel like I'm on a roller coaster sometimes. Man, Alz will sure keep you on your toes.

Things to go to Graham's

I can't type fast enough

Oh she's in there, pecking at B. I feel bad for B.

Told G she's going to OKC. "I wish you hadn't done that."
"But S bought you a ticket."
"I have three dogs."
"R1 will take care of them, she offered to."
"Promise me you'll never, ever do this to me again."
[Yes, G, we promise.]

Asked G if she wants to wear this shirt on the plane. "I'd have to iron it." "No, it's a t-shirt, you don't have to." "I WOULD IRON THAT." Alrighty, then.

B asks, "Would you like more coffee?" "PUT THAT DOWN." "I'm asking if you'd like more coffee." "PUT THAT DOWN RIGHT NOW. You need to learn that you can't just assume things when you're in someone else's house. I live alone and I can do it myself."

I suspect the fact that she's - surprise! - going to Oklahoma City, caught her off guard, and now she's irritable/frustrated. She doesn't know who made the coffee (she did), and has asked three or four times. She's following B around, clucking at her about everything, and then following it with "AREN'T YOU SO PRETTY?!"

FAIL

I have her her meds for the day (Thursday). I sat there with her while she took them. She got up to get the laundry, came back and folded it. I talked to Josh and Jason for awhile, she went to bed. I went to get her pill box and she'd taken Saturday's pills as well. I know for a fact they were in there when I have her the box.

A little scared. Dear God, please don't let the extra full dose of everything kill her. Please.
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Fun with Alz

I taught her how to use my blackberry. Pretty safe, because I know it won't last, and she enjoyed doing that.

Also told her all my bank account numbers.
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stylin'

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All I Can Think About

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Two Little Things

She came into my room at 4am, "Who's there??" I sat up and she said, "Oh! I'm sorry!" She often forgets that I'm staying here.

Unloading the dishwasher, she gets to the silverware tray. Opens the silverware drawer and stares at it. "I can't remember where this stuff goes. What is all this?"

Hairs Did

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Irony

I found two interesting things on the counter tonight:

1. A letter to M, reaming him out because she wants her money back, she's always been very responsible and never disappointed D when he was around, has always had control of her money, wants it back NOW, has never been sloppy or made bad decisions.
2. A self-addressed, pre-paid envelope to the ASPCA, with their sob story letter enclosed and her last $6. This is the same $6 that set her off this morning, because it was all she could find and it sent her into that "M has control of my money" swirl.

Makes me want to go through every single thing that is on her counter. Also makes me think the $40 she "lost" last week was possibly sent to the Republican Party or the orphans or whomever.

Swiss Cheese

This morning, when I got up, she asked me when E is coming over.
"She was here on Saturday."
"She's coming over to take us for breakfast. When will she be here?"
"We already did that. That was Saturday."
"But she said she'd take us! Did she cancel?? Where is she? When is she coming?" (Upset.)
"Grandma, she took us out on Saturday morning."
"Why did she cancel on me?"
"She didn't. We already did that."
"We did?"
"Yes."

It's getting to where the things she's mistaken about are somewhat hurtful. She was convinced E had canceled and there was some kind of "why doesn't she want to see us?" going on in there. This is tricky.

Today, M is my father. And we look alike. Alrighty.

Today

Today had some variety. We went to breakfast with B and M, and it was enjoyable. It was a buffet, so every time she'd get up for food (four times?), she'd have to be lead back to our table, as she couldn't remember where it was. She asked M what year he was in school about 7, maybe 10, times. She was happy and chipper and delighted to be out and about with us, though. Just extra Alz-y today.

This afternoon, R1 came over to keep me sane/company, and we went to the store and came back. Grandma felt the need to dictate, loudly, what we should be doing. I tried so hard to ignore her, but I was a little tense anyway, knowing I had a full bottle of wine to change out. I was glad when L called to talk to her, because it got her out of the kitchen long enough for me to run back to The Lab to do the switcharoo.

We made her dinner (quite good, I'd like to add [thanks, R1]) and sat down with her. There was some easy conversation, and then a mini-rant on not being able to drive, but overall dinner was OK. I felt a little...hurt when she said she's always alone, she never eats well, and no one takes her anywhere, yadda yadda, because, well, that's why I'm here... But I know it's the Alz talking.

I was irritable/tense from her constant clucking about the kitchen, so I took a shower and talked to M(h) for awhile. I went back out to the kitchen an hour or so later to check on her meds, and she was chipper again. We sat down to talk (I was there to make sure those meds went down) and we had a great talk. Except...She forgot who I am. She knew my name, but not my parents, not where they live, not how we're related (or that we are related, even). She also was excited to hear I'm staying here, and was surprised I was here last night. She was oddly concerned about when I would see my husband again. Usually, she knows who I am, but not that I'm married. She became very aware of her memory loss at that point and asked me why she was losing her mind. I said, "You're not crazy, just forgetful." She seemed really bothered by not knowing how we're related, and was amazed at how long we've been acquainted. She said, a couple times, that she had been napping really hard when I walked in and was probably just confused because of that. (She was awake.) She thought my walking in after my shower was my arriving at the house. I reminded her of our dinner with R1, and she commented on how fun that was. I reminded her of her friend coming over the other night, and she said she remembered that. A couple more triggers, but not much was holding up. Like, telling her S is my dad, and her not knowing who S is. The name was familiar, but she didn't connect him to B or me.

This was probably the farthest off so far (I'd say this is even farther than the "it's not Thanksgiving" day, because today, she didn't know who her family was). She did remember her elementary school in Oklahoma City, and her mother and brothers. But her kids, their spouses, and her grandkids...Names are familiar, but who they are and how they fit into her life...gone. And the same questions were asked and answered several times over.

Damn, I hate this disease. I HATE IT. It makes me angry sometimes.

Update: She just came into my room and said, "Are you M&M's daughter?" She's not wearing hearing aids, so I nodded. "I'm finally getting it!" I let her be excited. The truth just isn't worth it sometimes.

But After A Rough Start, A Good Day

After the morning situation yesterday, I went to "work" (a coffee shop not too far away) for awhile. When I got back, she was chipper as a chicken and buzzing about, doing whatever it is Grandma does. She asked twice when we were going to R1's. She got ready an hour and a half early (even took a second shower!), and put on her nice shoes. (Sometimes, she's so sweet and childlike, it brings tears to my eyes.) She looked really pretty. She asked again when M was coming. (R1: thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And the dinner was excellent.)

I'm seeing a slight correlation. When she's rested and happy, or has something to look forward to, she's sharper. "We're going to R1's for dinner! I sure do like her new husband. I went to their house once recently and I really like their place!" (!!!)

She did think M is my father, and seemed surprised that my mom is in Oklahoma City. She showed us her watch three times, I think. Some of the dinner table talk was a little off, but several things she said were surprisingly spot-on.

During dinner, I asked if she remembered Cocoa, the Siamese cat. She said she didn't. I said, "the one that used to play with Ring, the dog." Then she remembered. So, sometimes, context helps. I could have described Cocoa all night with no luck, but mentioning Ring triggered something.

So, here are my observations:

• If she's excited about something and well-rested, more pieces will be in place.
• If she's happy and well-rested, more pieces are in place, but not nearly as many as when she's excited.
  
• If she can't remember one thing specifically, describe the things relating to it. Context seems to help with memory.
  

A Rough Start

Yesterday had a rough start. She woke up and took a shower and put on all clean clothes, and even put in her hearing aids. When I got up, she'd gotten ready to go, made coffee, and was singing to all the woodland creatures who have started coming to visit in the mornings. And then it got sad.

She was looking for her keys when I walked in. She couldn't find them. Frustrated. She looked for her purse and money. Found the purse, no money. More frustrated. Then she remembered she can't drive and M has control of her money. She started slamming things down and crying. (In case you're wondering, this is torture to watch.) She was sobbing. "I have no money and that damn doctor said I can't drive and all I wanted is to go to the store to get one of those...those...round things with fruit....the..... [I supplied 'Danish'] Yes! Danish! That's all I want at the store, but I can't go to the store because I can't drive and I don't have any money and....and......and....." Sobbing. I wanted to crawl into a hole.

It was like a little girl who had put on a pretty dress because she thought she was going to get to go somewhere and then this big mean man came in and said no and smashed all her hopes and dreams in one fell swoop. Her response was crushing. All I could do was put my hand on her back while she cried. (The book I read said touch is really important to them. She responds well to this.)

I did tell her I'd take her to the store to get a Danish, if she wanted. She said no, thanks, you have work to do. I would have taken her, but...do I indulge her every whim? I was torn between the guilt of what I was seeing, and knowing I have the ability to take her to the store, but I haven't gotten any work done in the last three days and really needed to work, and taking her to the store is usually a long ordeal. I wasn't feeling patient enough to go to the store, especially with work hanging over my head. Besides, I don't think it was actually about going to the store. I think it was this frustration and helplessness that is now her life. This morning, I'm still struggling with the guilt of not taking her, even though I know she's forgotten it.

I did write her a note about going to R1's for dinner, and that seemed to distract her enough and point her forward. Distraction is key.

R1 Fast-Forwards

"Why didn't anyone tell me yesterday was R1's birthday? Can you believe she's 56?"

OK, she almost has it. It was B's birthday last week and yes, she's 56. So all the pieces are in there, just in the wrong order. :)

Shake Your Booty!

Come on. Do it with me now: shake, shake, shake!

Why?

IT WORKED. She hasn't mentioned wine since the Great Swap Part Deux. I did spend a good part of yesterday searching for the bottle she was using, but eventually found it in the back of a cabinet. She definitely has some deeper issues with guilt or something about it, given that she justifies and justifies and justifies it with the same story ad nauseam, and that she "hides" it. Anyway, the non-alcoholic wine seems to be hitting the spot and I'll tell ya - I am SO grateful.

She also is sleeping at night. Tuckers out around 9, and sleeps until at least 1, if not longer. The last two nights, she's been going straight back to bed after she wakes up again.

Last night, she came into my room around 4. She stood in the doorway for awhile, and walked down the hall a couple times... I got up and she said, "I'm trying to find the bathroom." I put my hand on her back, and turned her around toward her bathroom, and turned on the light and pointed at the door. Then she recognized it. Now, that could have been the normal disorientation we've all experienced, waking up in the middle of the night and forgetting where you are temporarily, especially if you're on sleep aids. So I'm not raising the Alert Level for this, but it is worth noting, in case it happens again.

The Great Wine Swap, Part Deux

This is what my shower looks like right now. The plastic tub is real wine, the bottles are non-alcoholic wine (thanks, M!). No, I do not always keep a corkscrew in my shower caddy.

She wrote me a 6-post-it-note letter, begging me to please take her to the store for wine so she can sleep, M will pay me back, I can't find my car keys, please help me, I need it to sleep. I found the notes on the counter; she's on the couch...asleep.

She told me this morning she hasn't slept in many nights because she's had no wine, yet when I wake up at night and check on her, she's usually asleep. If she's not asleep, the next time I'm up to check, she usually is.

Let's hope this non-alcoholic wine trick works. It tastes pretty darn good!

PS: Wine will stain your shower, FYI.

F Dash Dash Dash

Remember The Christmas Story? Fudge.

The Great Wine Swap was a flop. THREE letters today, asking for wine.

"Libby, I need you to take me to the store to get some wine."
"I bought you wine last night."
"You did?"
"Yes, where's the bottle?"
"Oh THAT? That wasn't wine, honey. I'm sorry to tell you. It wasn't wine."
"You drank the whole thing."
"It wasn't wine."

Foiled. Going to try non-alcoholic wine tonight.

Reading

She claims to read ALL day long. This is somewhat true. She sleeps quite a lot. She reads the paper and magazines, but not books, so far as I can tell. There's a Nora Roberts book on the counter, but my suspicion is that she isn't able to actually read through a book anymore, because I don't know that she'd be able to retain/follow a plot.

Remember the Great Wine Swap? 15 mins later, she said she needed to go to the store to get wine. I said, "I bought you some!" She looked surprised and excited, like it was the first she'd heard of it. So reading through a book that could take a couple days (or even an afternoon) seems like a stretch. If she can, awesome! I sincerely hope so! But my guess is she's not able to anymore.

We were, however, able to talk about an article in the paper she'd read. She told me what happened, and we talked about it like two normal people discussing current events. I told her a similar story I'd read, and we discussed that as well. This is kind of a big deal, because this was the longest string she's held together in awhile. She stayed on topic and retained information throughout the conversation.

These little windows make me smile.

Today's Cake-Taker

This is my favorite one to date:

"Do you know R1?"
"Yep! Love her."
"Oooh she loves you."
"Yeah?"
"Oh yeah. Talks about you a lot."
"Yeah?"
"Oh yeah. I think it's safe to say you're her hero."
"Yeah?"
"Oh definitely. She really admires you."

(R1: I'd be happy to send you an autographed photo.)

I remember a similar conversation about 15 years ago. I was Babysitter aged and R1 was Babysittee aged. I was older and that was cool to her. Grandma mentioned this at the time. There's a lot of "looking up to" when you're 6 years older than all the other grandkids. I think she's thinking of back then.

Your Mission, Should You Choose To Accept...

• Diet grape juice? Check.
• Wine with twist-off top? Check.
• Grape soda bottle? Check. (Can't bring myself to dump out a gallon of perfectly good water.)

Drive toward home, stop in alley. Dump out soda, refill bottle with wine. Refill wine bottle with grape juice, tighten top. Sticky fingers! Walk in door with bag of groceries, stand in front of wine bottle and dump in a bunch of lemon juice. Surprise! I bought you the bottle of wine you've been asking for.

Overjoyed!

Mission: Accomplished.

The BGDE (Best Granddaughter Ever): R1

The award goes to R1 this morning. Replacing her wine with grape juice (and at B & S's suggestion, a touch of lemon juice) will get her off my back about it. Heck, she hasn't noticed she's drinking decaf. I'll just tell her it's crappy wine. :D

Things She Can, And Should, Do

Wash dishes.
Fold laundry.
Chop vegetables.
Make the bed.
Feed the dogs.
Make the coffee (you might have to covertly re-make it).
Shred paper for the recycle bin (with her hands).
Get the paper/mail.

I'll list other things as I observe them. She feels really good about herself when you let her do things. If she asks you if you'd like some water, YES, you do. If she asks you if you'd like coffee, no, thank you, but may I have some water? Validate, validate, validate. The difference in her attitude is obvious when she's feeling validated vs. frustrated.

Setting The Record Straight

This morning, she wanted to know if I had a problem with M(2).
"Do you have trouble with her?"
"No! Why?"
"Well, why aren't you staying with M&M?"
"Because your house is closer to work."
"Oh! I wondered if there was a problem. But you're just closer to work here?"
"Yep. I love them!"
"Oh good. I was hoping everything was OK."

Sometimes, she strings somewhat logical, if inaccurate, thoughts together. Usually in the mornings.

Ding ding ding!!

She keeps asking about who is related to whom, and usually has it totally wrong. So I drew her a family tree this morning. She stared at it for a long time, then started listing things correctly: spouses, cousins, grandchildren, etc.

Draw! It helps! I now have a new plan to get a big posterboard and make a family tree with photos and names. Then when the record of her brain skips, she can quickly put it all back together (even if just momentarily).

Wow. My Personal Life Just Got More Interesting!

[knock on office door]
Do you want some milk or coffee or anything?
No, thanks.
Is M your father?
(I nodded. I don't explain things when she's not wearing her hearing aids.)
But his wife is not your mother.
Nope.
Where is your mother?
She's in Oklahoma.
Oklahoma?
Yes, with S.
Oh! She's with a nice fellow.
Yep!
Ok, I won't bother you again.

The Way She Is

She just came into my "office" and gave me her last $5. I know it is, because yesterday, this is all we could find. She just gave it to me for my lunch money.

Still sweet Graham Cracker. Ever generous, ever caring.

No Idea

She was still awake when I crashed at about 1:00, but her bed was turned down, and I think she was in her bathroom, possibly brushing her teeth.

This morning, chipper as a spring chicken! Happy, coffee made, sun is shining, birds are singing, woodland creatures are scaling her fence just to be near her. I have no idea if she slept for 1 hour or 10. The anti-depressant is CLEARLY WORKING!

She did start our morning conversation with "I need you take me to the grocery store."
"What's on your grocery list?"
"I'll make it later.
[pause]
I need wine and I want to go before the church people see me buying it because it's none of their business."
And then she went into her "...and I only drink this much..." speech.

I actually prayed the Alzheimer's would get slightly worse. I did. I prayed it - but only on the part of the brain that makes her think she needs alcohol. Is it possible the alcohol is actually preserving that part? Weird, Frankenstein's-lab-with-preserved-brains-in-jars thought. Sorry. Anyway, that might be the most horrible thing I have ever asked God for. Just that little tiny part to be forgotten. Please, God? Because the nagging is a little - a lot - much. And if you need alcohol to go to sleep, we need to consider that there might be other problems, other than insomnia, in play.

Update

It's 1 am and she's still up. I wonder if they can give her something that will help her STAY asleep. The new stuff puts her to sleep, but she's waking up a couple hours later.

Mayday! Mayday!

She's up! It's 11:45 and she's up! Ack!

Ladies and Gentlemen, I Do Believe We Have A Winner

It's 11pm and she's asleep, no alcohol. Keep this up and she'll be on a normal schedule! Hallelujah!

She did beg and beg and beg for wine this afternoon when I got home. Unfortunately, I had to go to a business meeting that kept me out until past the time the store closes. Sad.

Today, she asked me about my job, and I think she thinks I'm in sales. Well, she thought that today, at least. What's funny, is how her thinking is different, having grown up when women didn't have careers. She asked if being young kept people from working with me, and if being a woman made them think I didn't do business well. I had to hide my offense (I know why she's asking and it's not a personal insult), and I said, "I am very, very good at what I do. They'd be stupid not to work with me." This made her laugh. Truthfully, if I was really in sales, they'd be stupid if they did work with me!

Oh Happy Day!

This morning is joyous! Grandma slept!! No alcohol, just sleep! So she's in a great mood and I am feeling fairly victorious.

Is B your mother?
Yes.
Is M your father?
No. He's your son.
I love M. She's wonderful, but I don't have to tell you that because you know her.
Yes, she's wonderful.
Is B here?
Nope.
I wish she was.
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Too Much?

So I'm thinking about setting the clocks forward a couple hours. Wondering if this will help with the sleep thing. Thoughts, world?

YIPEE!

I gave her three (3) of the sleeping med tonight (doc said to). I know for a fact she has had no alcohol and no caffeine in two days. It's 11:30 and she is OUT like a light. YAY! Maybe she'll wake up in a bit, I don't know. But when she took the stuff around 8:30, she got drowsy around 9:00. I asked if she was sleepy and she intentionally perked up, "no! not at all!" Uh-huh. And now she's passed out, snoring. Yeah! I kept her awake a long time today on purpose, hoping she'd sleep tonight. We just might be onto something here.

Quite excited. :)

Short, Because I Need To Watch Hulu

Today was, again rough. I'm going to stop saying that, and just say it was normal. Highlights:

• Notes under my door, begging me to take her to buy liquor. "I need it for my health."
• E came over for dinner at 4:30, and we ate at 5:00. At 8:30, Grandma suggested we all have dinner together.
• Long, loud tirades about NEEDing alcohol to put her to sleep and not being able to drive her car. "I have spare keys. I can just drive there myself if I want. Or I'll just call a cab."
• Many "why don't we ever talk anymore" comments to E, whom she's talked to in the last week, and has seen recently (I didn't know this).
• According to E, there was a concern on Grandpa's part about her alcohol intake (again, I didn't know this).
• She was angry that I didn't want the water bottle she put in front of me. Acted like she was going to throw it at me, but didn't. I wonder if at some point, she really will.
• She is clearly very frustrated. I don't think she likes having me around, because it makes it obvious when she's forgotten something. I try not to be obvious when I'm correcting something - I'm really careful - but she picks up on a lot and I can see it really frustrating her.
• Typical fights: showering and taking pills. "I just did." Nope. Sure didn't.
• "Grandma, you don't need alcohol because the doctor gave you something to help you sleep."
  [gasp!] "I do NOT take that sort of thing. I'm not like that." (Because that's...worse than drinking yourself to sleep?)
• Didn't know my name once or twice.
• Didn't know how old R1 is, and had some odd understanding of her being married and living here, but still being in school in Penn.
• Today she knows I'm married! Hooray!
• Ish. Wanted to know if I was married or engaged, then apologized for asking such a personal question. Wanted to know where M (husband) is, and hasn't he been here all along? Because if we need the front room to ourselves, as newlyweds, she will leave us alone. But if we're just engaged, she won't judge. (Oh. My. Word.)
• She fed the dogs! First time in maybe 3 days she's initiated this. I've been doing it while she's asleep because she forgets to, but then gets mad at me for doing it because she "just did".