Today

Today had some variety. We went to breakfast with B and M, and it was enjoyable. It was a buffet, so every time she'd get up for food (four times?), she'd have to be lead back to our table, as she couldn't remember where it was. She asked M what year he was in school about 7, maybe 10, times. She was happy and chipper and delighted to be out and about with us, though. Just extra Alz-y today.

This afternoon, R1 came over to keep me sane/company, and we went to the store and came back. Grandma felt the need to dictate, loudly, what we should be doing. I tried so hard to ignore her, but I was a little tense anyway, knowing I had a full bottle of wine to change out. I was glad when L called to talk to her, because it got her out of the kitchen long enough for me to run back to The Lab to do the switcharoo.

We made her dinner (quite good, I'd like to add [thanks, R1]) and sat down with her. There was some easy conversation, and then a mini-rant on not being able to drive, but overall dinner was OK. I felt a little...hurt when she said she's always alone, she never eats well, and no one takes her anywhere, yadda yadda, because, well, that's why I'm here... But I know it's the Alz talking.

I was irritable/tense from her constant clucking about the kitchen, so I took a shower and talked to M(h) for awhile. I went back out to the kitchen an hour or so later to check on her meds, and she was chipper again. We sat down to talk (I was there to make sure those meds went down) and we had a great talk. Except...She forgot who I am. She knew my name, but not my parents, not where they live, not how we're related (or that we are related, even). She also was excited to hear I'm staying here, and was surprised I was here last night. She was oddly concerned about when I would see my husband again. Usually, she knows who I am, but not that I'm married. She became very aware of her memory loss at that point and asked me why she was losing her mind. I said, "You're not crazy, just forgetful." She seemed really bothered by not knowing how we're related, and was amazed at how long we've been acquainted. She said, a couple times, that she had been napping really hard when I walked in and was probably just confused because of that. (She was awake.) She thought my walking in after my shower was my arriving at the house. I reminded her of our dinner with R1, and she commented on how fun that was. I reminded her of her friend coming over the other night, and she said she remembered that. A couple more triggers, but not much was holding up. Like, telling her S is my dad, and her not knowing who S is. The name was familiar, but she didn't connect him to B or me.

This was probably the farthest off so far (I'd say this is even farther than the "it's not Thanksgiving" day, because today, she didn't know who her family was). She did remember her elementary school in Oklahoma City, and her mother and brothers. But her kids, their spouses, and her grandkids...Names are familiar, but who they are and how they fit into her life...gone. And the same questions were asked and answered several times over.

Damn, I hate this disease. I HATE IT. It makes me angry sometimes.

Update: She just came into my room and said, "Are you M&M's daughter?" She's not wearing hearing aids, so I nodded. "I'm finally getting it!" I let her be excited. The truth just isn't worth it sometimes.